Hyde Loves Jackie
by PixiePunk
Summary: Chapter 4 up...no spoilers...Had some trouble with the formatting as usual but I decided to just give up on it.
1. Do What You Have To Do

OK well this is my FIRST fanfic so I am aware that it is not very good but I decided to just go with my gut and post it anyways even though I want to work out all the kinks so don't be surprised if it gets reposted.  
  
Disclaimer - Don't own anything, barely own the lil thoughts in my head.  
  
Takes place after "You Shook Me" and "Nobody's Fault But Mine"  
  
Contains the song - Do What You Have to Do by Sarah Mclachlan  
  
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"Jackie I love you," Hyde told.  
  
What ravages of spirit  
conjured this temptuous rage  
  
Jackie gripped the bed beneath her as she felt her whole world slip away from her. Steven loved her, she knew he had but he had admitted it. She had wanted to hear those three words from him more than anything else in the world. Even more than those cream colored designer boots Jaclyn Smith sported on the last episode of Charlie's Angels and even more than her infatuation with Ryan O'Neal. But she never thought those words would come out like they did. But they had and she didn't know what to do.   
  
created you a monster  
broken by the rules of love  
  
  
She could feel him looking at her, waiting for a response, any kind of response, but she just continued to chew on her bottom lip, staring down at her freshly painted red toes.  
Steven always liked her toes, she had painted them before going to see Steven at his work, before she had run into Roy, before she had gone to the Nurse's Ball, before she had her heart ripped out of her chest.  
and fate has lead you through it  
you do what you have to do  
  
"Jackie -" he started, causing her to look up at him, her eyes were cold and emotionless. She wasn't crying, no she couldn't. She had no tears left within her. This had happened to her too many times and she knew that things had to change. She had made the promise to herself, Steven had known the promise she had made, and yet here she was, wanting nothing more than to break that promise and just go back to her life. But nothing would ever be the same again, she knew that and she was pretty sure Steven knew it as well by the pained look upon his face.  
  
and fate has led you through it  
you do what you have to do ...  
  
How could he say he loved her? He didn't trust her, she highly doubted that he even respected her. No, he couldn't have respected her. If he had loved her, trusted, and respected her, he would have gone to her and not to some slutty nurse. He had pulled a Kelso and to say those words, those words she had been longing to hear and patiently waited for. God, it wasn't fair. She couldn't handle this. She loved him, she loved him more than life. And Jackie Burkhart loved life.  
  
and I have the sense to recognize that  
I don't know how to let you go  
  
Jackie looked up at Steven, who was still nervously waiting on an answer from her. He wasn't wearing sunglasses for once making it easy to see the pain in his eyes. Quickly, she looked away, focusing on his lips, the lips that she had kissed so many times. She wondered if she would ever kiss his lips again. She momentarily shut her eyes as the thought of some slutty nurse kissing those same lips entered her mind.   
  
every moment marked  
with apparitions of your soul  
  
"Well - I don't love you," the words escaped and she wasn't even sure if she had meant for them too, but it was too late for that. They were out there in the open for Steven to hear. She could feel her knees buckle underneath her and she knew she couldn't handle being near him. She didn't want to see his reaction, not after that, quickly she moved off the bed and past Steven as she rushed down the stairs bare feet and all, she needed air and she needed it now.  
  
I'm ever swiftly moving  
trying to escape this desire  
  
Jackie sat, perched on the Pinciotti's step, her arms wrapped tightly around herself, trying to stop the shaking that racked her tiny body and the sobs that threatened to spill. But no, she wouldn't let them. She had lied to Steven but she had done the right thing. She had to do it and she knew that. She looked up at the darkened sky, wondering how long she had been sitting out there. She imagined Steven had already left through the backdoor and was already in the basement with the others. Would he even care, she wondered, would he try to win her back? Could he win her back? Knowing the answer, she heaved a heavy sigh, as she pushed herself off the step and headed back inside the warm house.  
  
the yearning to be near you  
I do what I have to do  
  
It had been less than 48 hours since she had seen Steven, she had managed to avoid the basement all weekend, and ignore Donna's incessant questioning, which proved beyond difficult since they not only lived together but also shared a room. But Jackie always shrugged the comments off, she wanted to prove she was strong, stronger than everyone thought, stronger than Steven knew. The others had found everything out shortly after Steven had left Donna's and they had all already formed their own opinions on the breakup and had taken "sides". Jackie didn't want any of that though which is why she had spent the last two days ignoring Kelso's repeated advances. If she couldn't forgive Steven then she certainly wasn't about to get back with cheater number 1. And she did want to get back together with Steven but she couldn't and she didn't know how she was going to handle seeing him.  
the yearning to be near you  
I do what I have to do  
  
Monday soon rolled around in Point Place, much too soon for everyone, especially Jackie. But she knew she had to endure and Jackie Burkhart would endure in STYLE. So she awoke early to primp the best she could with a broken heart. She wasn't ready for this - she wasn't ready to face Steven and she wasn't ready to face everyone else. But Jackie knew if she could get by the first couple of days than everything would be easier from there. She had learned that with Kelso and though it felt different with Steven, she knew it would prove to be the true. She just didn't know how she was going to resist the urge to touch him, to kiss him, to be with him, to join him for lunch on the hood of his el camino. She resisted the urges though and tried her hardest to be Zen and nonchalant in front of him. They spoke, three or four words at most until Jackie couldn't handle it and ran off into the bathroom. She was stronger but she was still Jackie.   
  
but I have the sense to recognize  
that I don't know how  
to let you go  
  
Jackie chose to walk home from school and turned down an invitation to go back to the basement with the others, insisting she had to start studying for finals. But really she just couldn't trust herself around Steven. She knew if she spent more than 10 minutes alone with him they would be back together and Jackie couldn't handle that yet. Not until things changed, not until she changed and especially not until he changed. So she went back to the empty Pinciotti house and focused on the new year book in front of her and the glossy photos of her classmates within its pages. She began flipping through the book, scanning it for her own picture, she stopped as she came across the Seniors page and wasn't surprised to see her own face there. She was pictured with everyone in a sweet picture that must have been taken at the beginning of the year since Donna was still pictured with them. Her eyes stopped at the small picture of Steven in the corner, this was the first year he had made an effort to attend school and she was so proud of all the achievements he had made. He was going to graduate and he was going to go to college. He was going to leave her for good.  
I don't know how  
to let you go  
  
She flipped over the next page and gasped at a large picture of her and Steven, one she had never seen before, or had even known was taken. She remembered that moment, they were in the hall and everyone was just beginning to find out about their fling. He was holding her hand and she was gazing up at him. Even then she could tell she was in love. Their relationship was so different than the one she had shared with Michael. She loved Steven, she wanted to be with Steven, she wanted to make him happy, she wanted him to love her. But she wanted his love for the right reasons. Not just so he would buy her stuff or give her attention but because she loved him and genuinely thought he was the coolest guy she had ever known. He was the coolest guy she would ever know. Silently her fingers fell upon the page, tracing the lines on Steven's face. Her hand then moved up to her cheek as she felt a hot tear slide down it. Looking back down at the yearbook, the image was wet, covered in her many hot tears.  
a glowing ember  
burning hot  
burning slow  
  
Graduation came sooner than expected. It had been just two weeks since the break up, Jackie had managed to keep to herself, going to the basement only once to fetch Donna for Bob. And even then Steven hadn't been there, he had been at work and she was thankful for that. In fact, the two hadn't seen or spoken since that day at school weeks ago. Jackie even worried that he had stopped going to school altogether but Donna had assured her that wasn't the case. He was just needing space away from everyone. He needed space away from her. Jackie almost wished he would have made some kind of effort, something to show that he still loved her, thought about her, cared about her, anything. But there was nothing. He didn't fight for her. He had accepted that they were over and he was moving on, just like she was trying to do. But today, they would see each other and Jackie had mentally prepared herself for that moment for the last week. Thinking of nothing else day and night. She knew she would have to let go. If he had already given up on her than she had no other choice than to do the same.  
  
deep within I'm shaken by the violence  
of existing for only you  
  
She let Donna go ahead of her for Graduation after she swore up and down that she would in fact show up for the ceremony. And she was going too, she was looking forward to it in fact. She had never been prouder of any of them. They were all going to graduate and she knew she would have to say goodbye. Not just to Steven but to all of them. They were going to college and she would be staying behind. None of them had an excuse to hang out with her anymore. She wasn't 'the girlfriend' anymore. In fact was already planning to move back into her old home, hoping her mother would come home from Mexico soon enough. She took one final look at her appearance in the mirror, her hair was down and curled up slightly in a feathered look, she had on a white sun dress with tiny red flowers on the print and a yellow cardigan covered her bare shoulders, platform sandals on her feet. She had planned this outfit months before, after the Valentine's Day dance, she knew it would be a special day for her and Steven. Well at least she had thought it would be. Sighing, she picked up the perfectly wrapped blue box and headed down the stairs.  
  
I know I can't be with you  
I do what I have to do  
  
Jackie sat with the Forman's during the ceremony, keeping her distance from the visiting Laurie. They clapped and cheered as loud as they could from their spots as each of their names were called. Steven was called after Eric, Jackie smiled as she saw him in his cap and gown, he had never looked more proper and less badass in his entire life. He waved as he spotted Kitty and Red in the crowd, his eyes found Jackie's and he mouthed a 'hello'. She nodded politely at him before sitting back down, nervously fiddling the bow on the gift that sat on her small lap. Jackie closed her eyes painfully, trying to keep the tears at bay that threatened to flow out. She looked up as she felt Kitty's hand over her own. She knew what she had to do. She would be okay.  
  
I know I can't be with you  
I do what I have to do  
  
The ceremony was soon over and everyone was making arrangements to have a get together party at the Forman's. Jackie politely declined the invitation, complaining of allergies, she looked down at her feet, not wanting to see everyone's disappointed faces. Everyone just nodded and went on to arranging plans as they prepared to leave. "Steven," Jackie called as he made his way to the back to change with everyone, he stopped and turned to her. Jackie stood there nervously in front of him, she could feel the stares of the Forman's from behind her and could see the looks coming from everyone behind Steven. She pulled the box from behind her and held it out towards him, "this is for you," she said quietly, chewing on her lip.  
  
and I have sense to recognize but  
I don't know how to let you go  
  
  
Hyde took the box from her, trying to hide the smile that threatened to appear, "that's cool," he said, instinctively leaning in to hug her. Jackie pulled away quickly, "I got to run, ya know those allergies," she said nervously as she gave a small wave to everyone. "Congratulations everyone," she said sweetly, before turning and leaving, out of their view. Hyde looked down at the small blue box that he held in his hands and ripped at the perfect wrapping, opening it as calmly as possible. The box dropped with a thud onto the green grass as he realized what was inside it. His fingers kneaded through the thin cotton material of his worn Led Zeppelin t-shirt, his favorite, that he had given to Jackie for her birthday.  
  
I don't know how to let you go  
  
Bending down he picked up the box and found a small note, with his name 'Steven' sprawled neatly across it. He recognized the writing immediately and tucked the small piece of paper into his hand. Turning towards his friends who waited for him, he put on a forced smile, and headed out back with them.   
"I don't know about you guys but I am totally wanting some special film right now," Hyde announced with a smirk as he put his arms around Donna and Eric. Donna looked at him skeptically as the others laughed, "you ok Hyde?" she asked quietly. He nodded, pulling away from the two, and tucked the box safely underneath his arm, the note still held tightly within his palm.  
  
I don't know how to let you go 


	2. Breakin' Me

"Well - I don't love you"  
  
every day I see your face I wish I'd stayed  
Don't even know what made me run away  
It's just the way I play the game  
  
Hyde bit his tongue to keep the scream from escaping his lips as he saw Jackie run from him, out of the room, and out of his life. He could have gone after her. He could have forced her to listen to him, to take him back, to forgive him. He knew he could convince her to do so. She did take Kelso back time after time. But no, he knew better. He cared enough for Jackie to know that she didn't need him. He just hated himself for needing her so much. He groaned as he fell back on her bed, he was alone. Steven Hyde was alone again and for once he knew no one was to blame but himself.  
  
Emotional is not a word I use to explain myself  
And now you got me down upon my knees  
Oh baby please just take me back  
  
Hyde entered the basement, his sturdy sunglasses covering the vacant ness within his eyes, he nodded to his friends as he took his seat in his chair and joined the already formed circle. Donna and Eric were both already gone and giggling about something or other and Kelso kept giving him dirty looks, and Fez, well Fez was just babbling something about his needs like always. This is what their life consisted of. The basement, the circle, and of course Hyde's seemingly endless stash. They weren't burnouts though, at least Hyde didn't think so. He would have been a burnout though if it weren't for his friends, hell he'd be in jail if it weren't for his friends. Hyde didn't depend on many things, but he did depend on his foundation with the Forman's and in spite of himself, his love for that 95 pound shoe shopping, Donny Osmond, loving, heart broken Burkhart girl.  
  
I don't want to be in love but you're makin' me  
  
He had seen her heart broken many times but he had never been the cause of it, he had never been the cheater. Hyde had never cheated on anyone, granted he had never been in a real relationship before Jackie but cheating just wasn't something that had ever crossed his mind. It reminded him of his screwed up parents and he wanted to escape from that as much as possible. He knew he would be a failure but he didn't want to be a cheater or an abandoner. That wasn't Hyde. He shook his head, standing up from his chair and descended into his room. His friends still sat in the circle amidst a cloud of smoke, not noticing his departure. Or the fact that their loud annoying talkative Jackie was missing.  
  
Let me up I've had enough. Girl you're breakin' me  
  
Hyde sat on the squeaky cot in his makeshift bedroom, aimlessly flipping through the pages of a magazine. He didn't want to think about Jackie, he didn't want to think about anything and every time he shut his eyes, all he could see was her tearful face and then her running out on him. Damn, he had really screwed this up. So why wasn't he fighting for her? Why wasn't he over there making her forgive him? He didn't know anything any more. Did he even love her? Of course he did but then why had he slept with that nurse so easily? Maybe Fez was right about all that needs stuff, I mean he and Jackie had been together for like what? Almost a year, Jesus, they were in a real serious relationship. But they hadn't done it? Hyde didn't understand it but he never pushed her. They would make out and it would get heated and she'd always stop but Hyde was never a "lets talk about this" type of guy. So he just ignored it and continued to make out with her when ever possible. He sighed as he looked down at the magazine, he had to get her off of his mind. "What the hell?" he muttered, flipping the magazine over to glance at the cover. Teen Beat, great Jackie's magazine. With a groan he threw it to the floor and fell back on the bed.  
  
Now here I am just half a man standing alone  
Feeling like I lost my only chance  
At happiness when I let you go  
  
Hyde wasn't the least bit surprised at how quickly the others found out, he had originally assumed Jackie had sobbed endlessly over it with Donna but he was a bit shocked to find that Jackie hadn't said a word and it was Mrs. Forman who had spilled the beans. He didn't care that they knew though and he didn't care about their comments or opinions. Forman was of course on his side about the entire thing but was disappointed to find that his best friend was a cheater. Kelso and Fez were bitter towards him, both waiting to be Jackie's rebound guy. And Donna, well Hyde figured Donna would side with Jackie but he was impressed to find that she didn't choose sides with either. She was still friendly towards Hyde and never really mentioned Jackie. In fact after the initial questioning from everyone, no one seemed to mention Jackie. It was almost like she no longer existed, like she and Hyde had never been together. She stopped coming to the basement and Hyde had expected as much since he lived there and all. He had to admit that he was nervous about seeing her at school come Monday morning and Steven Hyde just wasn't the type of guy to be nervous.  
  
I don't want to be alone thinkin' bout you girl  
  
Awkward just wasn't the word for their meeting, it was worse than awkward. It was one of the worst things Hyde had ever experienced. Second only to her running out of him, but it was even worse than the whole "Get Off My Boyfriend" fiasco. He had been with Forman in the hall, near his locker when she had passed, she was alone and Jackie was never alone. She was always with him. But here she was alone in her little outfit, she was wearing more makeup than Hyde preferred on her and her hair was all feathered like one of those Charlie's Angels'. Forman was the first one to speak and Jackie must have said like two words to Hyde and then all of a sudden she ran off. She couldn't handle being near him. Jackie had to get away from him. Why didn't he run after her? Why didn't he fight to be with her? He shrugged the incident off to Forman with a slam of the locker and quickly headed to his class, trying to get the images of Jackie out of his head.  
  
I've got nothing left to hold in my lonely world  
  
Two weeks, it had been two weeks since Hyde had ran into Jackie in the hall. He was so desperate to not see her that he had gone and changed his schedule so they wouldn't run into each other. He just couldn't see her and have her hate him. Hate him for hurting her, for cheating on her. Hell, he was beginning to hate himself. All he did was lounge around in the basement with the others, work, school, sleep, eat, he was like a machine and he tried his hardest to not think about Jackie. Thinking about her just made it worse, it was just a reminder that they really were over and he would never get her back again because he had gone and pulled a Kelso. He always knew Kelso was a dumbass for cheating on Jackie even when he couldn't stand her, he knew she didn't deserve that. And now he had gone and done the same thing, except it was worse because he really loved Jackie, he had loved her and yet he had willingly hurt her. Those two things just didn't mix. He tried to just chock it up to his "issues" but he knew his issues weren't reason enough to blame and he was just taking the easy way out.  
  
The first time my heart was ever touched  
Was the day I lost your love  
  
Hyde squirmed uneasily as he stood next to Forman, they were finally graduating and Mrs. Forman couldn't resist one last picture op of the two in their "cute little outfits". How Hyde managed to graduate and actually be in the outfit was still beyond him but deep down he was glad to know that he had made it and he had made more of himself than anyone had expected. He smiled as he saw Donna run up to him, it had been strange to not have her with them during Senior Year. Donna had even skipped her own graduation ceremony so she could attend theirs. The four talked a bit while Mrs. Forman took picture after picture, giggling all the while to herself about how much her "babies" were growing up. "She's coming ya know?" Donna said quietly. Hyde nodded, "whatever," he shrugged. He had hoped she would come but he honestly wasn't sure since it seemed like the only person she was still talking too was Donna. He had wondered if Kelso had won her back yet but he had figured he hadn't since he was still spending his days in the basement with the others practicing his future cop skills with Fez. Plus he figured Kelso would have rubbed it in his face since that was just the kind of guy Kelso was. "Oh boys its starting!" Mrs. Forman squealed as she ushered them to the backstage area.  
  
I can feel it in my flesh  
My flesh and blood  
  
"Steven Hyde," The principal announced as polite clapping followed. Hyde stood from his seat on the stage and made his way over to the podium and took the rolled up diploma into his hands, he grinned as he shook it in the air and spotted the Forman's in the crowd, cheering. He stopped as his eyes fell on Jackie, she was there, sitting next to Mrs. Forman and she was clapping, she was clapping for him. He mouthed 'hello' to her and saw her nod in turn before he walked backstage and met up with Forman. This was it, high school was over. They had graduated. What did that mean anyways? It didn't make them more mature and Hyde sure didn't feel any different. He still didn't have Jackie and he still felt like a high schooler. He didn't understand how a slip of paper made him an adult. He figured it was just another government conspiracy.  
  
But my soul can only take so much  
  
Hyde tried to concentrate on the plans that were being made around him, something about a party at the Forman's and everyone was going to come and celebrate, but all he did was stare at Jackie who was looking down nervously at her feet. He had honestly never seen her look more beautiful, he didn't know if it was because she was no longer his or if it had just been so long since he had seen her but he knew he wanted to memorize every aspect of her. So he stood staring at her, from the top of her head down to her feet, he took her in and he loved every inch of her. He wanted to reach out and touch her, to hug her, to apologize, to fight for her, but he didn't. He stood there and didn't say a word only stared. He stared at her for what seemed like forever until Forman forced him to stop and the gang headed into the back to get their things. "Steven," he heard her small voice call. He turned and saw her, she was finally looking up and her face was free of any makeup, she looked innocent, like a young girl yet there was something about her that made her stronger. "This is for you," she said quietly, holding a blue box out towards him.  
  
So there it is. Why can't you give us one more try?  
You and I could find a way to live  
  
Hyde took the box from her shaking hands and tried his best to not smile, "that's cool," he said, trying his best to keep it zen. Instinctively he leaned in to hug her but Jackie quickly pulled herself away and complained about her allergies or something. She congratulated everyone once again before she left, he watched her as she once again left him. And he stood, in place, he didn't follow her, he didn't call out to her, he just stood watching her go. Looking down, he saw the perfectly wrapped blue box in his hands, quickly he ripped at the packaging and opened the box. He reached inside at his t-shirt, his favorite Led Zeppelin t-shirt that he had given to Jackie for her birthday and heard the box drop to the ground with a thud. He bent down to pick it up and his eyes caught at the small note that was in the corner of the empty box, Steven was sprawled across it in Jackie's neat girly hand writing. He quickly gathered his things before turning towards his friends. He recalled Donna asking him if he was ok and he was. He was ok, he knew as he felt the paper between his hands.  
  
If you let me in just one more time  
  
Hyde rubbed his eyes as he sat in the living room, on the Forman's couch. Red and Bob were describing their college stories and Red was going off about being a hard worker or something or other. Hyde stood and politely excused himself as he made his way down to the basement. He breathed a sigh of relief as he found that he was alone, finally. He headed towards the freezer and reached for an orange popsicle, before setting himself down on his chair, pulling out the newly creased note from his jeans. He quickly unfolded it and removed his sunglasses so he could get a better view of her writing.   
  
I know you lost your faith in me but I still believe  
Can I make you understand, can I make you see  
Dear Steven,   
I struggled with myself for weeks but I decided that it was best for me and for you if I write this so that we can put everything past us and be friends. I miss you Steven, I miss you being in my life. Especially these last two weeks. I wanted nothing more than to share them with you. You've graduated now Steven and I've never been prouder of you. Look how amazing you are. Ya know you sell yourself short so often and I know that I can be nagging about college and my aspirations of you but I just honestly know you can do anything Steven and I wish I could make you see that. Now I know it's no longer my job to do that so I have taken a step back, I just want you to know that I'm not sorry about anything. I'm glad we were together Steven. You made me a better person and no matter what, you will always be the coolest, sweetest guy I've ever known. But you will also be the guy that broke my heart, the guy who didn't trust me. And that's something we're both going to have to live with. I just want you to know that I love you Steven Hyde and not everyone in your life leaves. I'm not going to leave you. I can't be with you right now but I'll always be here for you.   
Love, Jackie  
  
That I'm desperate for your love and it's breakin' me  
  
Hyde put the letter back into his pocket and reached for his sunglasses. He had made a mistake, he was a fool and he knew it. He had always known it. He loved Jackie and he was going to show her. He was going to fight for her. He was going to make her forgive him. He had to be with her, he needed her, he wanted her, he loved her. He grabbed his jacket as he left the basement and headed over to the Pinciotti's. He knew he couldn't knock since Donna was still at the Forman's and Bob and Joanne wouldn't have let him in knowing the Jackie situation so he sat and waited on the porch swing. He didn't know what he was waiting for exactly but he stayed and waited, hoping for a miracle.  
  
It's breakin' me 


	3. Somewhere In Between

Ok first off I want to thank every single person who has taken the time to read my story and an extra big thank you to those who have actually reviewed. I never even planned on posting any of my stories but you guys are awesome and you make it all worth it :) I also have to say thanks to all the wonderful writers out there who are putting up great stories lately...ya'll put me to shame! And a special hello to everyone on the Forums! You guys rock ;)  
  
Disclaimer - Don't own anything, barely own the lil thoughts in my head.  
  
Takes place after "Do What You Have To Do" and "Breakin' Me"  
  
Contains the song - Somewhere In Between by Lifehouse  
  
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Jackie sighed as she turned over and came face to face with the glaring numbers on her bedside clock. It was 11:11 and she was alone. Bob and Joanne had returned home about an hour ago to find her asleep and Donna, she assumed, was still next door with everyone celebrating. Jackie groaned as she kicked the covers off of her body, she couldn't sleep and she was tired of being kooked up in the house.   
  
She needed air and she needed to think. To think about things other than Steven. She needed to clear her head so she could sleep. With a heavy sigh she pulled herself out of bed and began to stretch her already aching muscles. She was too lazy to change out of her tiny pajamas so she lazily grabbed at one of her furry jackets that she hadn't worn since the fall.   
  
Wrapping her arms around her small frame, she padded down the stairs, careful not to wake Bob or Joanne. Opening the back door, she sighed in relief as the cool air came over her body. Instinctively she shut her eyes and wrapped her arms around herself, trying to keep warm.  
  
"Where you going?"  
  
Her eyes immediately opened, cursing herself, she was frozen in spot. She had been caught and by the one person she could not handle seeing. What was he doing out here anyways? Didn't he have a party to be at, slutty nurses to see. Why was he sitting out here on the Pinciotti's porch swing, by himself in the middle of the night?   
  
~*-I can't be losing sleep over this no I can't  
And now I cannot stop pacing-*~  
  
"I needed air," she mumbled quietly in reply, her back still towards him. "What are you doing here?" she whispered back harshly.  
  
"I don't know," he offered lamely.  
  
Jackie shook her head defensively as she turned towards him, her eyes shut so she wouldn't have to see him, "please Steven. Just don't say anything. Just go back to the Forman's and to your stupid little graduation party with the slutty nurses and leave me out here by myself because I'm fine out here by myself. I want to be by myself, I'm doing fine by myself. I don't need that party and I don't need the basement," she babbled nervously.   
  
Hyde shook his head, Jackie was full of shit and he knew it, "whatever" he mumbled as he pushed his sunglasses further down his nose. Nothing. He still didn't show anything. He really didn't care about her. He grumbled to himself, his arms crossed over his chest as he swung in the porch quietly, staring straight ahead.  
  
~*-Give me a few hours I'll have this all sorted out  
If my mind would just stop racing-*~  
  
She didn't want to play games, she had played enough games throughout her relationship with Michael. So she wasn't about to sit here with Steven on the Pinciotti's porch and go back and forth with him. If all he was interested in was playing games than he could play them by himself.   
  
Sighing, she turned away from him and headed towards her empty car in the driveway. She climbed up upon the hood of the car, ignoring the feel of Steven's eyes on her every movement.   
  
"Why?"   
  
It was a question, but it was one word, why what? Damn him, he was trying to rope her into the games and she was falling for it too. "why what?" she asked, aimlessly playing with the fur on her jacket collar.  
  
He stood from the swing and raised an eyebrow at the determined young girl in front of him. He had never seen Jackie like this. He had seen many different faces of Jackie Burkhart but never one that was so determined, so strong, so badass. Damn, he had really rubbed off on her.   
  
She rolled her eyes, "why what Steven?" she asked, louder this time.  
  
Hyde gulped, "why, why did you give me the shirt?" he questioned, hoarsely, not knowing how to get the words out.   
  
Jackie bit her lip, of all the why's she wasn't expecting that one. She looked down at the ground, "its your shirt," she replied nervously.   
  
"I gave it to you for a reason Jackie," he told, taking a step closer to her, positioning himself in front of her.   
  
"I gave you my heart for a reason to Steven but look where that got us," she laughed bitterly as she felt the tears sting her eyes.   
  
She couldn't breathe, she had to escape. She couldn't break down in front of him. She couldn't be that weak lil child. She had to be strong. She grabbed the keys and roughly moved past him, pushing him away from her as she tried desperately to get her keys into the front door lock.  
  
~*-Cause I cannot stand still  
I can't be this unsturdy  
This cannot be happening-*~  
  
She jumped as she tried key after key but she just couldn't get her hands to stop shaking long enough to get the lock undone. She looked up as he placed his hand over her arm.  
  
"Don't do this Jackie," he said softly.  
  
She could feel her whole body start to tense as she turned to look at him, her walls were coming down. She caved, the tears spilled, slow at first, and then they came in a rush, she was sobbing. She had broken down in front of Steven Hyde. The one person she wanted to prove herself too.  
  
She wanted to be better than this, than this crying girl in front of him. But once they came she couldn't get them to stop. All of the emotions that she had been pushing back for weeks flooded to the surface. Her sobs grew so loud, she could barely register the fact that he had pulled her to him, cradling her body.  
  
"I'm sorry Jackie, dammit, I'm so sorry," he whispered, placing a kiss on her head.   
  
The sobs just continued, she was sobbing, sobbing for him, sobbing for her, sobbing for their love. Hyde rubbed her back soothingly, trying to calm the shaking that was overcoming her body. Jackie, realizing her position and his arms around her, violently began to struggle against him, the tears still falling from her eyes.  
  
"Let me go," she pleaded, sobbing, squirming under his hold. "Shh, Jackie calm down," he said, holding her tightly, trying to calm her. She pulled her fists out and banged them against his chest, trying desperately to be released from his arms. "Let me go," she begged again, the tears would not stop falling.   
  
"Why are you fighting Jackie?" Hyde questioned, his hands overtaking her small fists.  
  
"You made me a fighter Steven," she said bitterly, pulling herself away from him. She fell to the ground upon her release, sniffling as she pulled her knees up to her chest.  
  
~*-This is over my head but underneath my feet  
Cause by tomorrow morning I'll have this thing beat-*~  
  
Hyde looked down at the girl sniffling and shaking beneath him. She was a mess in a curled up ball of tears. She sat, perched against the car, tears falling from her eyes, hair a mess, barefoot and wearing only her tiny short pajamas and her big furry jacket. But he still loved her, he still thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world. But he didn't recognize her.  
  
She was a different person, she had changed and he had broken her. She wasn't the Jackie Burkhart he knew, she wasn't even that strong girl she had been less than 10 minutes before. She was weak and scared and tiny and insecure. She was alone, like him. And he still wanted to be with her and protect her. But how can you protect someone from the hurt that you cause?   
  
Hyde wasn't sure and he didn't even know how to begin to fix things. But he knew they weren't getting anywhere here. "Jackie," he started, receiving only a quiet sob in response.   
  
"Look I read your letter and I came over here because I want to talk to you Jackie. Talk to me Jackie. I know I'm an idiot all right and I made the biggest mistake of my life and I'm sorry Jackie. But just talk to me, I don't know if I can make you forgive me but we'll never know if you don't talk to me all right. Just don't run away from me," he said quietly, reaching his hand out towards her.  
  
Jackie sniffled as she looked up at him, his sunglasses were covering his eyes as usual but she could still tell that he was hurting too.   
  
"Dammit Jackie, ya know this is hard for me. Look at me, I'm turning soft and I'm doing it for you."  
  
~*-And everything will be back to the way that it was  
I wish it was just that easy-*~  
  
Jackie tried her best to get up as she stood on her shaky feet. She reached up to wipe her falling tears from her face as she took a step towards him. Biting down on her lip nervously, she placed her hand within his own. She wanted to be strong. She wanted to show him that she was okay, that she could take care of herself. But the walls that she had built up were quickly falling around her.   
  
Hyde smiled and with a squeeze of the hand, pulled her to him, hugging her still shaking body tightly towards his own. This time Jackie didn't fight it. She just let her body fall into place with his own as it had so many times before. So the two stayed, standing there in the Pinciotti's driveway, holding on to one another for dear life.  
  
"Jackie are you alright?" Donna's voice interrupted the two as they quickly pulled apart from one another.   
Hyde looked towards Jackie who was still crumpled and crying and watched her nod in response to Donna. "Ook then, well I guess I'm gonna go to bed. Night you two," she waved playfully as she headed inside the house. Once again leaving them alone in silence.  
  
"This doesn't change anything you know," Jackie's broken voice whispered.  
  
Hyde nodded, "I know," he replied as he he took hold of her hand and rubbed it gently.  
  
~*-Cause I'm waiting for tonight  
Then waiting for tomorrow-*~  
  
"Where do we go from here?" Jackie's tiny voice questioned, breaking the silence that surrounded the two who were seated together, swinging quietly on the porch swing. They hadn't spoken a word between them in the last 20 minutes, they just sat, fingers intertwined, looking up at the stars. It had brought back memories of the first date they had shared on Veterans Day. They had been so young than and Jackie had been so naive, naive to think she had been in love, naive to think that he hadn't felt anything from the kiss that they shared.  
  
She shook her head of the thoughts as she turned towards Hyde who shrugged in response to her question. Jackie sighed as she turned away from him and looked back up at the full moon in front of her.  
  
"Let's just focus on now Jackie and now I want to be with you and I don't know how you feel but that's ok because I don't deserve to know how you feel. Let's just focus on tonight and we'll analyze it to death in the morning okay?" he questioned, removing his sunglasses from his eyes.  
  
Jackie nodded wordlessly, that wasn't what she wanted exactly but she missed Steven and as hurt as she was, she was lonely and it was too difficult to argue at this point. She knew she loved Steven, cheater or not, she loved him and she wanted to be with him. She just no longer knew how to allow herself to be with him. But that was just something they would have to worry about in the morning.  
  
~*-And I'm somewhere in between  
What is real and just a dream-*~  
  
Hyde rubbed his eyes wearingly as he pulled Jackie closer to him, he smiled as he felt her head settle into the crook of his neck. He could feel her warm breath upon his skin as she breathed in and out. He had missed this. He had missed being able to just reach out and hold her at any moment. He had missed her in his life.   
  
"I'm sleepy Steven," she murmured against him.   
  
Hyde nodded as he placed his arm around her small body and guided her up, to stand on her shaky feet.  
  
She looked up at him and placed her arms loosely around his neck, to steady her on her feet, "I don't want this night to end Steven. I'm scared I'll wake up and you won't be there," she whispered, tearfully. And she was, she was scared of the way her heart was feeling. Her heart kept telling her to forgive but her head knew better.   
  
But for one night Jackie wanted to think with her heart and nothing else.   
  
Hyde hugged her close to him, "come on Jackie," he said quietly, grabbing her hand and leading her off of the porch and away from the Pinciotti's towards the quiet Forman house.   
  
"No questions ok?" he asked, looking at her as he stopped at the basement door.   
  
She nodded as she chewed on her lip nervously. She didn't know what she was getting herself into but she knew she couldn't turn away.   
  
He smiled at her, "lets just focus on tonight," he whispered as he led her inside the basement and towards his bedroom.  
  
~*-Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in  
Don't be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again-*~  
  
Hyde shrugged off his jacket as he watched Jackie climb into his bed and settle underneath the covers just like she had done so many months ago. Wordlessly she reached over and clicked off the bedside lamp as he kicked his jeans off and climbed in next to her. He pulled her body closer to him and cradled her, placing a soft kiss upon her neck. "I love you Jackie," he whispered as he kissed her hair.   
  
Jackie stiffened and turned over, facing him. She had only heard him say those words to her once and before she had the opportunity to run but now she was trapped. Trapped with no where to escape from the situation at hand. "I don't want to wait until morning Steven. I can't just pretend that you didn't cheat on me alright? I want to talk now," she told him as she looked up into his eyes.  
  
Hyde sighed and nodded, "alright Jackie, you wanna talk, talk," he grumbled, sitting up. All he wanted was for them to just have one night alone. Just one night where they wouldn't have to focus on the problems between them. One night where they could just be.   
  
Jackie ran a hand through her hair, trying to untangle the curls, "I want you to trust me Steven. It hurt more knowing that you don't trust me and that's why you slept with another woman. I just, I wanted to be enough for you Steven. I wanted to be that person in your life who moved you, ya know. That person who loved you for you and who didn't give up on you, that person who made you believe in yourself. And it hurt me to know that I wasn't enough to even make you trust me," she whispered, the tears spilling from her eyes. She was crying yet again and once again she couldn't get the tears to stop.  
  
~*-I don't want to run away from this   
I know that I just don't need this-*~  
  
"Dammit Jackie" Hyde swore as he reached over her to flip on the lamp, he rubbed his eyes as he looked at her tear stained face beneath him. "What do you want me to do Jackie? Okay, just tell me what you want from me cause I don't know how to make this work, alright" he sighed as he sat up uncomfortably, squished against the side of the wall.   
  
Jackie sat up as well, angrily wiping the tears off her face, "forget it Steven, I don't know what I was thinking," she mumbled as she pushed the sheets off her, pulling herself off the cot.   
  
Hyde rolled his eyes as he got up to follow her. She was now in the basement, seated on the couch, shivering in her tiny pajamas. He sighed as he watched her sniffling to herself, he hated himself for making her hurt, for bringing her pain. He was supposed to be the one that took those things away and yet here he was, inflicting them upon her.   
  
"I don't know how to do this Jackie," he whispered as he stood behind her and placed his hand upon her shoulder.   
  
Jackie nodded as she looked up at him, as she looked into his clear blue eyes. She always loved his eyes and she knew they were her weakness. It almost killed her to have to lie to those eyes because those eyes saw through her. Those eyes knew her soul and her being. Those eyes knew she loved him. Those eyes told her the words he couldn't. Those eyes were enough.  
  
Carefully she leaned up and took his face in her hands, kissing him softly at first and then more heatedly as he responded.   
  
"What are we doing?" Hyde questioned as he pulled away. He didn't know how she had gone from crying to this but frankly he was much happier with this.  
  
"I don't know," Jackie shrugged, leaning in to kiss him once again. All she knew was that she did in fact love him and she had missed kissing him and for now that was enough.  
  
"I want to be with you Jackie, I want to make this work," he told breathlessly in between kisses.   
  
Jackie pulled away and grabbed at his hand as she led him off the couch and back into his room, shutting the door with a kick of her foot, she threw her arms around his neck and pressed her lips firmly against his.   
  
"I want you Steven" she said in a hush whisper.  
  
Hyde knew in the back of his mind that this would only cause more problems but he couldn't get the nagging out of his heart that this could be his only time to be with Jackie and he couldn't walk away from that. He was shaken from his thoughts as she jumped on him, wrapping her legs around his waist, and began kissing him fiercely. He had definitely never seen this side of Jackie before.  
  
~*-Cause I cannot stand still  
I can't be this unsturdy  
This cannot be happening-*~  
  
Jackie didn't know what had gotten into her but she couldn't deny the fact that she was enjoying it and she didn't want to stop.  
  
"Jax" Hyde tried getting out between her furious kisses.  
  
"Don't talk Steven, just do," she told as her mouth moved down to the skin on his jaw line.   
  
So Hyde did as she said as he reached his hands underneath her ass to support her weight around him. She giggled as she pushed her 95 pound frame upon him and the two fell back on the cot with a loud squeak.   
  
Jackie removed her tangled arms from him as she stood in front of him. She smiled as she looked down at him nervously and slowly began to remove the thin straps off of her pajama top. She bit down on her swollen lip as she waited for Hyde's reaction as she felt the flimsy top fall to the floor.  
  
"I can't do this Jackie," Hyde spoke quietly breaking the silence that had filled the room as he looked down at the rumpled sheets beneath him. He had been waiting for this moment since the summer but seeing her stand in front of him, looking so small, so innocent, so afraid, so fragile. He couldn't take advantage of her. He couldn't pretend that things were okay cause he knew by doing that things would just be worse.   
  
Jackie felt the tears sting her eyes as she finally realized the position she was in, her hands hurriedly went up to her breasts to cover them as she bent down and placed her top back on. "I'm sorry Steven, I don't know what got into me," she babbled as she looked down at the floor, her back to him.  
  
Hyde reached out to her as he pulled her towards him and cradled her small body, "shh Jackie it's okay. " he said as he pushed back the hair from her neck and placed a small kiss upon her shoulder.   
  
Jackie choked back the sob as she let herself fall into bed beside him, she turned her back to him as she flipped off the lamp and pulled the sheet up. She squirmed as she felt Steven's arm fall around her waist and pull her closer to him.   
  
~*-Cause I'm waiting for tonight  
Then waiting for tomorrow-*~  
  
Jackie groaned as she began to toss and turn, she was having another nightmare. She had been having them consistently since the breakup and they were always the same. Steven and her would be together, kissing and then as it grew more heated she would turn into another woman. Sometimes someone she didn't know and other times Laurie or Pam Macy and even Donna at times. She squinted as her eyes began to open, not being able to sleep anymore in peace.   
  
She sat up as she looked around at her surroundings. She wasn't in the basement, she was no longer in Hyde's cramped bedroom. She was in her comfy bed in Donna's bedroom. Her favorite stuffed unicorn was at her side and she was still dressed in her cotton candy pink Pajamas. Her eyes fell over to Donna's snoring form. Had it all been a dream?   
  
Jackie sighed as she pulled herself out of bed and headed for the bathroom. She stopped as her eyes fell upon the crumbled black t-shirt in the corner of the room. The Led Zeppelin T-shirt, Hyde's favorite shirt that he had given to her for her birthday. The same t-shirt that she had given back to him. Maybe it wasn't all a dream.   
  
~*-And I'm somewhere in between  
What is real and just a dream-*~ 


	4. Here Is Gone

Wow I cannot even believe that it's been over a year since I published this story. That is so crazy! Hell, it's been almost a year since I've updated.  
  
Does anyone even remember this story? More important - does anyone even care?  
  
Apparently I must since I am updating this, I rushed this chapter out. After the last chapter I was completely stuck and I ended up writing three different chapters and   
  
somehow I ended up with this and it sort of just wrote itself out. I don't know how good it is. I wanted to spend more time on it and I'm sure it is in some serious need   
  
of a beta but I just feel the need to put it out there anyways.  
  
Thank you for all the reviews I have received and to everyone who has read, it never ceases to make me feel special.   
  
Takes place directly after Somewhere In Between  
  
Contains the song - Here Is Gone by the Goo Goo Dolls.  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
- You and I got something  
  
But it's all and then it's nothing to me -  
  
Hyde groaned as the blaring ring of his alarm clock anxiously buzzed. He rolled over in bed and smacked down on the bell as he stretched in his now empty bed.   
  
He sighed as the memories of the night before washed over him. He truly hadn't gotten any sleep and cursed the fact that he would have to go into work.   
  
He had so much on his mind.   
  
Jackie.   
  
He had never seen her like that before. He couldn't believe she had changed so much, over something that he had done.   
  
It scared him that he had that much power over someone.   
  
After she had fallen asleep in tears, he had just laid there, staring at the dark ceiling, thinking of what had become of  
  
their relationship.   
  
He didn't know if he could even call it a relationship anymore. But still he sat, for hours just thinking. And he still   
  
hadn't found any solutions to his mistakes.   
  
He didn't know if he'd ever have a solution.   
  
He just knew she couldn't stay there, sleeping in his bed, with him. He couldn't handle her waking up in the morning and freaking over what had happened the night   
  
before.  
  
So he did what he always did, he took the easy way out.   
  
He snuck out of bed, threw a couple stones up at Donna's window and conveniently tucked the heavy sleeping Jackie back into her own bed, without her even knowing it.   
  
He knew he couldn't put off seeing her forever though. He knew they'd have to talk over what happened and a part of him wanted to yet he was fearing over what she   
  
might say. Over what she may have decided. She didn't need him. But damn him for needing her.   
  
Hyde wasn't supposed to need anyone. He had taught himself that years ago after his dad left him and especially after his mom had bailed leaving him alone.   
  
He barely admitted to needing the Forman's and he knew deep down that they had given him enough love to live without them. But Jackie was a different story.   
  
He had slowly but surely fallen in love with her and that thought shook him to his core. He wasn't exactly sure at what point his love of her had began.   
  
Was it when her dad went to jail? When he gave her that t-shirt?   
  
He knew it was well before he had cheated on her and apart of him knew deep down that she must  
  
have known that too.   
  
But the thought of being in love with someone shook him straight to his core. Especially the thought of being in love with Jackie. He had gone for years disliking the girl,   
  
picking on her relentlessly and yet whenever she was upset she always came to him. No one came to him. Most people were smart enough to know not to.   
  
This was Hyde after all, he wasn't exactly the most empathetic person, especially after she kept going back to Kelso. And yet, she still came back to Hyde, time after time,  
  
and he always let her in.   
  
Maybe that was when the love had started, he wondered. It had felt good to be wanted and he would be lying if he was to say he wasn't the least bit flattered when she  
  
had declared her love for him all those years ago. Sure he had thought she was crazy but he was flattered. There was no denying that Jackie was beautiful. Anyone would  
  
be flattered to have her attention. But Hyde wasn't an attention seeking guy so he ignored it and was more than just a tad bitter when she constantly went and fell back  
  
into the arms of Kelso.   
  
That was when all these insecurities began with them anyways. She should have seen it coming. It wasn't his fault. She was the one who always went back to Kelso.  
  
What would make this time any different?   
  
He shook his head from the thoughts as he reached out of bed, stretching his aching muscles as he hurriedly got ready for work.   
  
- And I got my defenses  
  
When it comes to your intentions for me -  
  
Hyde moaned as he walked into the smoke filled basement. He had spent the last 8 hours toiling away at work, listening to Roy and Kelso going on and on about how hott   
  
Jackie had looked at graduation. He was sure he'd escape thoughts of her at work but no, everything reminded him of her. He even thought he had seen her at the  
  
restaurant and he rushed out of the kitchen only to be disappointed by a young woman, with a striking resemblance, but she was no Jackie.   
  
He walked past his friends, sitting and laughing in the circle and headed to his bedroom. This was the second time in weeks that he'd pass up circle time which was   
  
something Steven Hyde just didn't do. Hell, Steven Hyde made circle time. But he knew he had to talk to Jackie before it got too late and now was as good a time as any.  
  
He assumed she'd be by herself since Donna was preoccupied with the others in their usual activity.   
  
He smiled, Jackie was never much into the circle but damn was she cute when she gave in. He loved when she was high, she was so honest and crazy. Not at all like the   
  
uptight Jackie she usually displayed to everyone.   
  
He turned and flipped on his Zeppelin record as he tried to delay seeing her. What was he going to say to her? What should he say to her? Did she even want to see him?   
  
Did he even want to see her?   
  
The answer to that one was easy. He had to see her. He had to figured out what was happening between them. What was going to become of them. He had never done   
  
this before. He had never tried to save a relationship. He never had any relationships to save.   
  
He shrugged on his t-shirt as he headed out of the basement, sunglasses shielding his eyes. Sunglasses were always his first defense. His eyes gave him away too much   
  
and he knew Jackie could see right through him. And he hated that. He never wanted anyone to see the real him.   
  
He was the true epitome of an emotional virgin.   
  
Quickly he headed out of the basement and past his high friends and rushed next door.   
  
He coughed nervously as he rapped loudly on the Pinciotti's door. He was hoping she wouldn't answer the front door but he was also scared to see Bob.   
  
Bob wasn't exactly his biggest fan after all that happened with Jackie. He really took her in as his step-daughter and he gave her the love that the Forman's had given   
  
Hyde. So he could understand why the sight of Hyde on their doorstep wasn't exactly welcoming.   
  
But Bob smiled anyways in understanding as he allowed Hyde in and instructed him that Jackie was upstairs, where she had been all morning. Hyde recalled him   
  
mentioning that he was worried about her as he rushed up the stairs and knocked anxiously at the closed bedroom door.   
  
God, he was so sorry for hurting her. And he hoped she knew that.   
  
- And we wake up in the breakdown  
  
Of the things we never thought we could be -   
  
He groaned as he kept knocking, over and over repetitively. He knew she was in there, he could hear her sniffling quietly to herself.   
  
"I'm not hungry Bob, I told you that five minutes ago. I think I'm coming down with something," she mumbled through the door and soon coughed just for good measure.  
  
  
  
"Dammit Jackie, open the door," he breathed as he knocked once more.   
  
He could hear her voice squeek and her small feet shuffling over the carpet as she reached the door and opened it slightly, "what do you want?" she questioned.   
  
"Jackie, c'mon open the door, we need to talk," he persisted as he pushed his hand towards the door trying to get it to budge. Damn, she must have been one of the  
  
strongest 95 pound girls in existance.   
  
"I don't want to talk Steven," she said quietly, sadly.   
  
"And you think I do?" he countered back in annoyance.   
  
"I'm not exactly a talkative guy Jackie but c'mon. We need to talk whether you and I want to or not. Now open up the door," he told.   
  
"No," she pressed her voice rising as she pushed against the door slightly, causing the small opening to close.   
  
"I don't want you to see me like this, I look terrible. I don't look like me," she said softer.   
  
Hyde smiled at her nervousness, over the past few weeks he had seen a million different sides of Jackie, some of them that weren't her and some were. But it never  
  
mattered cause she was always the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.   
  
Bob cleared his throat at that moment, appearing behind Hyde on the steps.   
  
"I think maybe you should go Hyde, she's sick and you don't want to catch her cold or anything. Just let her rest, I'll tell her to stop by the Forman's when she's feeling   
  
better," he announced as he crossed his arms over his chest protectively.   
  
Hyde groaned, he really had no say in the matter, it wasn't like he could argue with Bob and stay.   
  
"This isn't over yet Jackie, we have to talk and you know it," he told to the now closed door as he grumbled past Bob and down the stairs.   
  
Hyde walked into the basement in a huff, his friends were still over in the circle, their high presumably wearing off as Donna questioned concerned, "what's wrong?"   
  
Hyde shrugged his shoulders as he pushed Kelso off his chair and took a seat, "you started without me," he answered as he reached over for his stash.  
  
  
  
His four friends smiled as they all took part in their favorite activity, for the second time that evening.   
  
- I'm not the one who broke you  
  
I'm not the one you should fear   
  
What do you got to move you darling -   
  
Jackie sighed in relief as she heard his boots stomp down the stairs. She made a mental note to thank Bob later for his concern. She collapsed on her bed and looked   
  
nervously at her fidgeting hands. Her whole body was shaking from nerves and she couldn't stop it.   
  
She moaned as she laid back, staring up at the empty ceiling. She wished she could paint the ceiling pink, than maybe she'd feel better. She shrugged at the thought,   
  
nothing would make her feel better at this point. And that scared her.   
  
She was terrified at the thought of having to talk to Steven. She knew it was coming but she really thought that she'd have to iniate all of the awkward conversations about  
  
the previous nights activities. She cursed herself for acting so stupid. If she would have just stayed away than she wouldn't have put herself in that vulnerable position.   
  
She had never been so embarrassed in her life. She had thrown herself at him and he had rejected her. Two things that were foreign to her in life. So she wasn't about to  
  
let him in and see how he had affected her.   
  
Self conciously she raked her fingers through her hair only to find a handful of tangles. She swore to herself as she reached over to the dresser for her trusty hairbrush.   
  
Her hair was a mess, she was still wearing her tiny pjs from the night before and she had the worst case of raccoon eyes she had ever seen, even on an ugly person.   
  
She had laid in bed most of the morning, before finding hide away in the bathroom in an attempt to avoid any questions from Donna. She really didn't want to rehash the  
  
night before with Big Red. She knew Donna would not only constantly tease her about it but she would also run her mouth to Eric.   
  
So she sat on the cold countertop in the bathroom for nearely three hours just thinking, until finally Donna left. Jackie than emmerged from the bathroom and immiediately  
  
collapsed onto her bed, crawling under her pink comforter, kicking fluffy cakes to the floor.   
  
She successfully sent Bob away all morning with complaints of the flu but she should have known Steven would have seen through that. Steven could always read her   
  
like no one else.   
  
She stumbled out of bed and froze as she looked down at the t-shirt lying at her feet. She had almost forgotten all about that t-shirt. Silently she reached down and  
  
grabbed at it as she headed back into the bathroom to make herself Jackie pretty before Donna came back with just more questions.   
  
- I thought I lost you somewhere  
  
But you were never really ever there at all -  
  
Hyde grinned as his friends all laughed wickedly at something Fez had murmored. He rubbed at his eyes as he tried to stand on his own two feet. Man, that stash had been  
  
strong.   
  
"Ya know I'm actually surprised Jackie hasn't taken you back yet Hyde," Kelso started, a lazy grin filling his features.   
  
Hyde raised his eye brow at the comment, where was this going?   
  
"I mean it only took her a couple of weeks and lame apologies before we were having sex again. I guess she just has it bad for me," he burned and than laughed   
  
stupidly at himself.   
  
"Shut it Kelso," he warned as he popped him in the shoulder.   
  
"Ya ever think that maybe she's having such a hard time letting Hyde back because all those times she let you back you kept doing the same thing over and over to her  
  
Kelso?" Donna countered annoyed as she rolled her eyes and than began to giggle.   
  
"My eyes are rolling, I'm rolling," she gasped out through her laughter.   
  
"Sorry," she apologized as she looked over at Hyde's stern face.   
  
"Nah, she just loves me more than Hyde because lets face it - beauty always wins out in the end. Beauty over sustenance," Kelso stated as he rubbed at his shoulder  
  
in pain.   
  
"It's substance you idiot" Fez moaned.   
  
"Whatever," Hyde muttered as he stood above his friends.   
  
"Where are you going?" Eric questioned as he strained his neck to see Hyde heading for the basement door.   
  
"Jackie," was all he said as he headed out of the basement, leaving his four friends in their circle of obliviousness.   
  
Hyde knocked angrily as he found himself once again on the Pinciotti's stoop, he tried his best to conceal his state of mind as he pushed his sunglasses further up   
  
his nose.   
  
"Steven, I thought I told you," Bob started as Hyde rushed past him inside.   
  
"I gotta talk to her now Bob," was all he said as he rushed up the stairs and began banging incessantly on the bedroom door.   
  
This time he wasn't giving up without a fight.   
  
- And I want to get free talk to me  
  
I can feel you falling -  
  
Jackie jumped as she heard the banging on the door, damn Bob was pushy. Her eyes went with wide with horror. Bob wasn't that pushy she knew as the knocking   
  
persisted.   
  
"I told you I," she stopped as she stepped out of the bedroom. The knocking had stopped and there Hyde stood in front of her.   
  
Her arms immiediately went to cover herself embarrassedly as she turned and tried to rush into the bathroom.   
  
"Jackie no," he said as he reached out for her, he held her back tight against his chest. She was breathly roughly as she strugled against his hold.   
  
"Steven let me go," she whined, her tiny feet kicked at his shins angrily as she felt him whirl her around to face him. Her eyes immiediately fell to the floor where she   
  
focused on his scuffed up boots. Were those the ones she had gotten him all those years ago?   
  
"Jackie look at me," he told her gruffly, still holding her against him. All he could see was the top of her head shaking no adamantly and it was than that he had noticed   
  
what she was wearing.   
  
"Is that my shirt?" he asked as he pushed her away from him slightly and looked down at the large black Led Zepplen shirt that was covering her body.   
  
She looked like a lil kid as she stood there in his overly large shirt, it hung down past her knees as she stood stubbornly pouting out her lip. She nodded nervously,  
  
keeping her eyes focused on the floor.   
  
"Jackie look at me," he ordered quietly as he placed his finger under her chin and softly pushed her head up.   
  
Tears were swimming through her multi-colored eyes as she looked up at him. She felt naked standing there in front of him. Almost as vulnerable as she had felt the night  
  
before. His eyes were boaring holes through her and it was terrifying her.   
  
Hyde sighed as he pulled her towards him once again, he cradled her in his arms and placed a soft kiss on the top of her head.   
  
"What are we doing Jackie?" he questioned, his voice cracking slightly.   
  
His head was spinning, he had forgotten what he had come over to talk about once he had gained access to her room. All the memories of his last time in that room came  
  
flooding back to him in a whirl as it mixed with the feelings of the weed. And than she came out wearing his shirt. His shirt than he had given to her. The one she had   
  
sworn she would never wear. The one she had returned to him.   
  
Jackie pulled away from him and sat down on her bed, "I've been trying to figure that out since last summer Steven," she spoke softly.   
  
"We can't keep doing this to ourselves Jackie. I can't be this guy and I can't do this to you. I don't know what to do. This can't keep happening," he rambled off as he   
  
began to pace in front of her. The weed was kicking in and rambling his thoughts and anger was beginning to fill through his system as the thought of Kelso filled his mind.   
  
It had been so easy for Kelso. Why was it so hard for him?   
  
- And I wanted to be all you need  
  
Somehow here is gone -  
  
"Gee Hyde, how do you think I feel? Do you think this is what I want?" she questioned, hurt that he seemed to be placing the blame on her.   
  
He shook his head as he stopped and stared at her. She had called him Hyde. Not Steven but Hyde. She never called him Hyde. His Jackie would never call him Hyde.  
  
  
  
"Stop it Jackie. Stop this right now. I'm not gonna play these games with you. What the hell do you want from me? Just tell me," he told as he fell on his knees in front   
  
of her. God he hated himself for showing emotion.   
  
Jackie stared at him confused, "I'm not playing games Steven. What is wrong with you? All I wanted was for you to trust me and you obviously couldn't do that,   
  
could you?" she countered bitterly.   
  
Hyde laughed as he pushed her legs that sprawled out in front of him away and he stood up annoyed.   
  
"What's wrong with me? God Jackie, how stupid are you? Don't blame me for what happened alright. Maybe I would have been able to trust you if you weren't always  
  
rushing back to Kelso or shouting 'get off my boyfriend'. Yeah, you really gave me a lot of reason to trust you didn't you Jackie?" he pointed out.   
  
Jackie stood as well, "this is ridiculous. I shouldn't have had to give you reasons to trust me. You just should have. I wasn't going to cheat Hyde. I'm not the cheater in  
  
this relationship remember?"   
  
"Get over it Jackie. I'm not a fuckin cheater alright? Just get over it. You did with Kelso. What makes this any different?" he shouted harshly.   
  
"This doesn't have anything to do with Michael so do not throw that in my face," she told, crossing her arms over her chest defensively.   
  
Hyde laughed, "Oh please, this has everything to do with Kelso. It's always been about him hasn't it?" he questioned bitterly.   
  
Jackie turned her back from him, "I'm not answering that question Hyde. You're being ridiculous," she sighed.   
  
"Whatever. It's always going to be him isn't it Jackie?"   
  
He was sick and tired of this. They were going round in circles, over and over. Nothing was getting accomplished.   
  
- I have no solution  
  
To the sound of this pollution in me -  
  
"What do you want from me Steven? I'm hurting okay, I'm sorry I can't just forget what you did and go back to the way things were before," she spoke.   
  
"Why?"   
  
She squinted at him, "why what?"   
  
"Why is it different?"   
  
"Why is what different Steven? What are you talking about?" she asked exasperated.   
  
He sat on her bed, "why is it different for us than it was for you and Kelso?"   
  
She furrowed her brow at him, "I don't know. I could give you a million different reasons but that isn't going to change anything Steven," she said as she sat down next to  
  
him.   
  
"I need you to choose, you have to choose. I can't do this anymore Jackie," he spoke quietly as he turned to look at her, his sunglasses slipping further down his nose.  
  
  
  
His eyes were stormy and hard as he stared at her, anxiously awaiting a decision.   
  
"Steven, I, I," she started as she stood and moved away from him.   
  
"You know I can't do that, please don't make me," she begged.   
  
He stood as well, "there's your answer Jackie. If you can't choose between me and Kelso than there's no reason for me to be here is there?" he asked.   
  
"No you know that's not true. I just can't lose either of you. I don't know what to do. I didn't ask to be cheated on by both of you Steven," she responded.   
  
"You have to stop this Jackie. You can't blame me for what Kelso did to you. Yes, I cheated on you. Once and it was a mistake and I apologized. Don't hold me   
  
accountable for the fact that Kelso cheated on you over and over again. That has nothing to do with me. I'm not Kelso. I'm not going to cheat again Jackie. So please,   
  
stop blaming me," he told.   
  
She stared at him, her multi-colored eyes still tear filled were now ablaze with anger. "I can't believe you Hyde. I told you, one has nothing to do with the other. You  
  
cheated and that's what I can't get over okay?" she told.   
  
"And why did you cheat anyways because you didn't trust me, that's not my fault Steven so please just stop trying to blame me or Michael for what you did. You made   
  
your bed Hyde, now be a big boy and lie in it," she added heatedly.   
  
"If that's what you want than fine. Until you can get over Kelso than this thing between us is over," he threatened as he headed towards the door.   
  
"Oh please, first of all we've been over ever since you slept with that nurse and I'm not the one who needs to get over Kelso, Hyde," she told but it was too late, he had   
  
already slammed the door.   
  
- And I was not the answer  
  
So forget you ever thought it was me -  
  
Hyde groaned as he fell into the basement with a slam of the door his four friends removed themselves from the smoke filled haze and looked over at him curiously.  
  
  
  
He silently took a seat in his chair as he looked around at all of them, "it's over between me and Jackie," he supplied as he crossed his arms over his chest.   
  
Kelso was the first to comment as he jumped up from the coach, "Burn!" he yelled as he pointed at Hyde and laughed. "I knew she wanted me, I mean really Hyde was   
  
there ever really any question in your mind?" he asked with a laugh as he collapsed back down on the coach.   
  
"Do you even have a mind dumbass?" Hyde questioned back as he leaned forward and reached for a beer. Beer and weed were his favorite combination. They always  
  
seemed to make him feel better.   
  
"Jackie is never on the market," Fez moaned.   
  
"Did you really break up with her Hyde? Is the band back together without Yoko?" Eric wondered happily as he sat forward in anticipation of the answer.   
  
Hyde stared at him in wonder, "Trust me Forman, there will be no more Hyde and Jackie," he answered as he popped the top of the beer can.   
  
"Oh yes, now it will be back to Kelso and Jackie just like in the beginning. Oh how I missed the submission," Kelso grinned idiotically.   
  
Donna stared at the three in disgust, "you can't be serious Hyde," she argued as she watched him take a swig of beer.   
  
Hyde nodded towards her not feeling the need to answer any more questions.   
  
Donna rolled her eyes, "okay guys, you all need to get out of here so me and Hyde can talk. Here's ten bucks, go get some fries at the Hub," she ordered as she stood and  
  
pulled two fives from her jean pocket.   
  
The three stoned boys looked at the money in awe as the munchies took over them and rushed out of the basement, completely forgetting about what was going on with  
  
Hyde and Jackie.   
  
"Nice try Donna," Hyde started as he stood from his seat and began to head toward his room.   
  
"What the hell Hyde, sit your unhappy ass back down," she ordered, her voice rising.   
  
He raised his eye brow at her in question and immiediately sat down. Donna could be intimidating as all hell at times.   
  
"You love Jackie," she stated softly as she crossed her arms over her chest and sat down in front of him.   
  
He gave her a sour look, not daring to say a word.   
  
"She loves you too," Donna started but was cut off.   
  
"Whatever Donna. It's over okay, just let it go. We're not you and Eric okay? We're not gonna break up only to get back together and be even more in love alright? God I  
  
hate that word. Love, what does it even mean Donna? Can you explain that to me please?" he questioned in annoyance.   
  
"I don't think I need to tell you what love means Hyde. You know exactly what you feel for Jackie. And that hurt and pain that you're feeling right now is because you care  
  
so much about her. If you didn't you wouldn't be feeling anything," she told as she placed her hand over his in understanding.   
  
"Whatever," he mumbled as he stood. "You don't get it. I can't do this with her, I won't. I don't want to feel anything Donna. I just want to go back to feeling numb," he   
  
explained as he headed out of the basement, leaving Donna in silence.   
  
- And I don't need the fallout of all the past  
  
That's here between us -  
  
Jackie sniffled as the tears released and fell from her eyes. She didn't know why she had argued with him. She wanted to make things right with him more than anything   
  
but she had no idea how to do that. And fighting seemed to be the easy way out for both of them.   
  
She sighed as she brushed off the teatrs from her cheeks roughly and headed for the closed door. She knew she'd have to talk to him. She had to try and make things   
  
right for once. She had to right the wrongs he had made.   
  
She grabbed once again for her furry jacket to provide her warmth and rushed past Bob downstairs, explaining she had to talk to Donna at the Forman's as she whizzed   
  
out the front door.   
  
She stood outside the glass sliding doors awkwardly. She wasn't quite sure if she should just rush into the basement or go by the back quietly. She knew that most of their  
  
friends would be in the basement anyways so it would be hard for her to actually talk to Steven anyways. But than again, if other people were there, they wouldn't yell   
  
as much.   
  
Her unasked question was answered though as she heard movement from behind her.   
  
Kelso was standing behind her a sideways grin on his face and a far off look in his eyes, "hey Jackie," he beamed as he reached for her, pulling her closer to him.   
  
She didn't even try to hide the look of disgust on her face as she violently shoved him from her, "Michael what the hell are you doin?" she questioned as she dusted herself  
  
off. Trying to remove any trace of him from her.   
  
Kelso still held the sloppy grin, "I was coming by to see you Jackie and here you are. It's like a sign I didn't have to walk far," he told as if that answered everything.   
  
Jackie rolled her eyes ashamed that an old part of herself would have found that halfassed answer sweet. "Why were you coming to see me?" she asked once more.   
  
"Isn't it obvious?" he questioned back but received an annoyed look from Jackie in return.   
  
"Look Jackie," he started reaching for her again as he put his arm around her, "Hyde told me everything," he began.   
  
Jackie stared up at him, "what do you mean?" she asked as she removed his arm from around her shoulders.   
  
"He told me you made your choice. I mean god Jackie finally was it really that hard to pick?" he asked as he chuckled loudly.   
  
Jackies eyes went huge, no it couldn't be. "Please Michael no, I don't know, I. God what am I gonna do?" she questioned as tears filled her eyes.   
  
He smiled longingly at her, "well I for one know what I want to do," he smirked at her suggestively and laughed. He had once agan reached to hug her, basking in the  
  
glory of winning his 'prize'.   
  
Jackie groaned, the tears escaping from her eyes, "no Michael," she said pushing him away yet again. "I'm sorry, I didn't pick you," she said hesitantly. As much as she  
  
didn't want to be with him, the last thing she wanted to was hurt him.   
  
His eyes looked down at her confused, "you mean you picked Hyde?" he questioned as he scratched at his head.   
  
She shook her head, "no I, I haven't picked anyone Michael it's just Steven and I, we were arguing and I came over here to talk to him cause I think I upset him and I   
  
don't know what to do ya know? I mean I still love him," she whispered quietly.   
  
Kelso stared at her, a mixture of pain and sadness spreading around his handsome features. He cleared his throat as he looked at the beautiful girl standing there in front  
  
of him, tears silently falling from her eyes. And for once he was not the cause of those tears.   
  
Kelso broke the silence that had began to cover them, "is there ever going to be another chance for us Jackie?" he wondered quietly.   
  
She looked up at him, biting down on her lip nervously. "I don't know Michael," she answered sadly, tears still falling.   
  
Kelso nodded at her and sighed in satisfaction as he felt her fall into his arms and hug him. For now that was enough.   
  
- And I'm not holding on  
  
And all your lies weren't enough to keep me here -  
  
Jackie smiled softly as she pulled away from Michael, sniffling as she brushed off the last of her tears. "Thank you," she said quietly, pulling away from him. Never once  
  
had talking to Kelso ever made her feel better. But she truly felt that they had reached an understanding between them and had maybe, hopefully sparked a true   
  
friendship.   
  
Kelso smiled back towards her, "I just miss being with you Jackie ya know? I mean I haven't felt complete since I left you. I need you in my life," he confessed.   
  
Jackie nodded sadly, she wasn't used to Kelso showing so much emotions towards her and she honestly didn't know what to say back to him. Her mind was already   
  
torn over thoughts of Steven and Michael's confessions of love were just tearing at her heart strings.  
  
"I'll always be in your life Michael," she answered simply.   
  
"I need to go talk to Steven," she added as she headed down the steps and towards the basement.   
  
"Jackie," Kelso started as he rushed after her, reaching for her wrist.   
  
She stopped, turning towards him, staring at him in question.   
  
"I just wanted you to know I'll always be here for you, ya know? Even if Hyde isn't," he said simply looking down into her multi-colored eyes.   
  
Jackie smiled as she threw her arms around his neck happily, "thank you," she said genuinely, pulling away.   
  
That was exactly what she had wanted to hear from him. He would be there for her, no matter what, just as she would for him. But Steven would always come first   
  
for her and she knew that Michael had to know that.  
  
Kelso grinned down at her and without hesitating placed a chaste final kiss upon her lips.   
  
She smiled through the kiss as she closed her eyes and allowed the sweetness of their final kiss to come over her.  
  
  
  
Hyde stopped and stared at the sight before him in disgust, "gee didn't take you guys long did it?"   
  
Jackie pulled away, shock in her eyes as she shifted her gaze towards Hyde.   
  
"Steven no, it's not what you think," she started as she turned towards him.   
  
He was standing by the basement, his sunglasses in the collar of his t-shirt, revealing the sadness and pain displayed through his bright blue eyes.   
  
He laughed at her as he held his hands up in protest, "sure and I didn't sleep with a nurse did I?" he remarked sarcastically as he turned to walk away from her,   
  
heading towards his El Camino.   
  
Jackie turned back to Kelso, a look of panic across both their features before running towards Hyde. "Please Steven, just talk to me," she begged, stopping in front of him.  
  
  
  
Her eyes were shining with tears but she wasn't going to let them fall. She had to prove that she loved him and not Kelso.   
  
"There's nothing to talk about is there Jackie. You more than made your choice okay?" he started as he opened up the car door.   
  
"But Steven I, I, I love you," she spoke softly her voice breaking as she looked up at him, awaiting his reaction anxiously.   
  
Hyde stopped and stared straight ahead. He had been waiting to hear those words from her ever since he had professed them weeks ago. But his thoughts went back to  
  
his conversation with Donna and he immiediately began to surpress the feelings that were corrupting him.   
  
Silently he climbed into the El Camino and started up the engine, not once stopping to turn and look back at the girl he loved who was now sobbing into the arms of   
  
Michael Kelso.   
  
- Somehow here is gone - 


End file.
